Something I’m asked quite frequently is – why hasn’t my crossed over loved one contacted me? A recent client came to me for a reading. Her fiancé had died in a car crash a few months ago and she was absolutely devasted as their wedding was set for this fall. Her future mother in law called one morning soon after her fiancés death to tell my client that she had dreams of her son and that she could feel him in the house. This client was confused and asked me why hasn’t he found a way to contact me?
Now, in my world as a medium, it’s perfectly normal and natural to want to connect with our loved ones after they leave the physical world, to make sure they’re okay, that they didn’t suffer and that we are still connected even after death.
In this week’s lattes with loved ones I’ll share several reasons why you may or may not hear from your loved ones soon after they cross over, if at all.
First, if you are experiencing deep grief it is more difficult for the loved ones to communicate
It’s like calling someone and their phone isn’t turned on. You are so excited to connect and share a funny story, but you’re not able to reach them.
Imagine if you will, how fast the energy travels from the time we flick the light switch on the wall to the light actually turning on, this is how quick spirit moves energetically and if we are in a lower vibration such as grief or sadness, it can be more of a challenge to receive any messages.
David R. Hawkins developed what is called the scale of consciousness that measures the frequency or vibration of different emotions.
We have shame at the very bottom all the way up to enlightenment at the very top.
When our loved ones cross over they are in a higher, loving frequency and if we are not vibrating at that level, or close to it, it’s harder to equalize the energy to communicate and bring us messages.
On the scale of consciousness, shame is 20, grief 75, anger 150, neutrality is 250 and love is 500. So if we are in a grief vibration which again is 75 and our loved one is at 500, that is big difference.
I read for a Mother who had recently lost her son – and she had walls up and was in such a deep grief and she even blamed herself for his crossing. All of these emotions were keeping her vibration lower so that she wasn’t able to notice the light flickering when she walked by his room. She wasn’t able to wake up after a dream and know he had been there with her. It wasn’t until after he came into her reading and talked about “their song” that happened to be playing on the radio that morning, that she was able to begin releasing the heavier emotions and in doing so raise her vibration so it was easier for him to connect and leave signs for her.
I invite you to think of a crossed over loved and a time when you laughed so hard your belly ached. Keep bringing up fun, goofy and loving memories you shared with your loved one and then ask them for a sign, something to let you know they are with you. You may sense something, see something or even feel something. Just notice and in time you will know in your heart that your loved is near.
Second, they may want to contact you, but they can’t.
When we cross over there is an adjustment period I’ve seen time and time again. The loved one is getting used to no longer having a body.
I had a client who came to see me who’s brother had died the week before and when he came in, his energy sort of cut in and out, kind of like watching a tv show and the reception cuts in and out and the screen goes fuzzy and then it’s clear again. With him were his other crossed over loved ones and they helped with the messages he wanted to relay to my client as well as spirit guides and angels. It was very much a group discussion and it was wonderful for me as a medium to know that we can communicate with our loved ones soon after they leave the physical.
Over time, a sprit can learn to reach back to the living, which again requires altering their frequency so that the energies can equalize.
Another variation to them not being able to contact you, can depend on how they left the physical world or the circumstances surrounding their passing. There have been a few readings where the loved left the physical by either suicide or their passing was incredibly traumatic.
Thirdly, maybe they don’t want to communicate with you, for whatever reason.
Sometimes when I do readings several crossed over loved ones from one family will come through, but someone will be conspicuously absent. I have been told that that person has already “moved on” and is no longer feeling an emotional connection with family they left behind. Sometimes, I’ll have a mother who will talk to my client and then leave before the father comes through. Usually that means they were separated or divorced (or hated each other) while alive, and they are not wanting to come through together.
A beloved uncle of mine crossed over many years ago and when he died it was like the loss of an era, he was such a huge personality and the life of the party. I asked about him in a reading I had with medium and he didn’t come through until I was getting ready to leave and it was a whirlwind of energy that filled the room and he said hello what do you want, winked and was gone. From my experience, there is life after death and our crossed over loved ones continue living beyond a physical body – planning, exploring and learning on the other side. My uncle was never idle so the fact that he popped in to say hello and left again so quickly, was confirmation that he was busy on the other side.
Forth, we may expect our loved ones to contact us in a certain way.
What that does is puts blinders on us to all the millions of ways that our loved ones can communicate with us in ways we’ve never even imagined. I had a young woman who came for a reading looking to communicate with her mom who had recently passed. The week after her Mom died, she kept seeing hummingbirds outside her kitchen window and didn’t think anything of it. When her mom came through and said – I come and visit every day outside the window my client was baffled. She said to me – I never knew my mom liked birds, so I didn’t think anything of them.
Later that day she stood by the kitchen window and watched dozens of hummingbirds dancing in the sky. One of the first things I will say before a reading, is to let any expectations go and see what spirit has in store. And sometimes, spirit will talk about things that were important to them that we may not have known. I invite clients and students to be curious with an open heart.
Fifth, sometimes it can be hard to know if you’re really receiving communication from your crossed over loved ones or if it’s all in your head.
That’s one reason why going to see a medium can be so life changing. They can give you confirmation that your loved one has come through and that they are on the other side. Going to see a medium can also confirm what you know in your heart to be true. When you need that little bit of reassurance that what you felt or experienced was true.
I once did a reading for a guy and his grandfather came through. His first words to him were “I’ll be seeing you”. That was significant for him because those were apparently the final two words he spoke on his death bed and only he, his father, and his dying grandfather were present to hear it. But if he had tuned in to his grandfather on his own and heard “I’ll be seeing you” in his mind, that may not have been enough proof for him to believe he was really communicating with him.
Even professional mediums can wait months or even years to get definitive communication from their loved ones on the other side. Which just goes to show that if you’re sitting there waiting by your phone you still may not get a call. Go live your life, watch for signs and communication, keep sending them love, but try not to be terribly upset if you don’t dream about them right away. Ask your loved one to visit you in your dreams and see what happens. Sometimes it may take a little time to experience them in your dreams.
If you’d like to learn more about mediumship or communicating with your crossed over loved ones, please visit my website at www.shaunachandler.com. Until next time, mountains of love.
Shauna Marie Chandler
Reiki Master/Teacher, Angel Readings, Sacred Geometry
Located in beautiful Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
We look forward to seeing you soon!
© 2011-2018 Shauna Chandler Inc. All Rights Reserved.