I can remember it like it was yesterday. I can even remember the exact time of day when they told me Jack was gone.
Just that morning I had begun to unpack his baby clothes as we had just moved into a new home. I couldn’t wait to feel him growing bigger inside my belly. I even told him his big sister, Emma, had hiccups a few weeks before she was born. I was happy. I was so happy.
After they told me he was gone, I felt the room start to spin and the panic set in.
He was gone.
My boy was gone.
I felt dread begin to fill my heart.
One minute my life was intact and in the next, I saw pieces falling all around me.
It was all gone.
A part of me gave up that day. Gave up on me, my life, my dreams. And it would take many years to grieve my loss.
Soon, the anger set in. I was angry at myself, my spouse, the doctors, and even God. How could God let this happen? What had I done to deserve losing Jack? How would my life ever be the same again? How would I ever get over my pain, my loss?
I became an empty version of myself when I lost my son.
The years that followed were filled with grief that became exhausting. All it would take was seeing a little boy who would have been the same age as Jack, and my eyes would fill with tears and my breath would catch.
I kept putting on a happy face and tried to push past my loss.
I completely immersed myself in work and in my daughter’s life. But, just under the surface, lived the anger that was hiding the intense sadness in my heart. I didn’t know where to turn or who to talk to about my loss. I was guided to reach out to a medium whose energy was so positive and loving.
In my session, Larissa asked me, “Shauna, have you talked to Jack?”
I started to cry and replied, “No, Jack’s gone. He died.”
“He’s here and he wants to talk to you,” she replied.
I looked up to see a beautiful, majestic angel walking toward me holding hands with a little boy. The little boy appeared to be about 4 years old.
As they came closer to me, I felt time stand still and I clasped my hands over my mouth. I felt Jack’s energy all around me.
He held out his little hand like he wanted to give me something. I opened my hand, and he placed a small heart-shaped rock in it. I told him I loved him, and he said, “I love you more, Momma.”
He climbed into my lap and placed his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and for the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe again. I’m not sure how long we sat together, but every moment was Heaven for me.
He looked up at me and said, “the angel wants to take me back, Momma.”
Jack jumped up and walked over to the angel who took his little hand in hers. They started to walk into the light when Jack turned back and said, “I love you, Momma, I’ll see you soon.”
It’s a day that will be etched in my heart and soul for eternity. The day my Jack came back to me.
All the grief and sorrow I felt from losing him, added more pain to my heartache and prevented me from connecting with Jack on the Other Side.
After Jack went back into the light, I looked at Larissa and she said to me, “You must give your grief the dignity it needs. Jack will help you to heal your heartache.”
My heart began to heal that day.
I felt hopeful again knowing that my son was okay, and that I could connect with him whenever I needed to.
There are no words to describe the pain of losing a child, but it is through the heartache and loss that new life is found. Being able to connect with Jack, started to mend my heart and I was able to find new hope again.
I am blessed to be able to watch Jack as he grows up in Heaven. He gets bigger every time I see him, and I still find heart rocks wherever I go.
Shauna Marie Chandler
Reiki Master/Teacher, Angel Readings, Sacred Geometry