When we lose someone we love, there are emotions and feelings that we often don’t expect as we grieve. Whether our loved one was ill for some time before they crossed over, or their passing was sudden, there are stages of grief that we go through. The grieving process can take a day, or it can last for years. Everyone experiences loss and grief in their own way.
Even as someone who communicates with Spirit, I am not immune to the grieving process and have experienced loss and pain that literally brought me to my knees. My grief was intense, unpredictable and eventually brought me closer to my loved ones in the afterlife.
Working with people who are grieving, I teach them how they can move through their loss in healthy ways so they can find happiness and joy in their lives again. Helping them to understand that their loved ones are still with them, communicating with them from the other side and even sending them love. Our crossed over loved ones become our greatest fans, experiencing the events in our lives along side us. From the birth of a child, to a wedding or even a new job, Spirit is cheering us on.
The 5 Stages of Grief
When you first hear that a loved one has crossed over, it can be difficult to believe it's even real. You want to just shake your head and say, 'no way.' You may even feel numb or disconnected and may initially not feel any pain. The shock and disbelief are suspending your pain, and this may last for days or even several weeks.
Once the initial shock starts to fade away, you may start to feel angry. Nothing makes sense and anger becomes another way to experience grief. You may be angry at God, yourself, the doctors, or even the loved one who has crossed over. You may not even know who or what you’re angry with and from this stage you may start to bargain in hopes of bringing your loved one back.
The loss may seem like a bad dream and you think of ways that you could have your loved one come back. You wish you could just wake up and have them with you. Maybe God would exchange your life and your loved one would come back. We can even start to feel guilty about something that we think we could have done or should have done for the person in a way to change the outcome. We may replay scenarios in our mind where we do something different, anything different, to not experience the loss.
This is when it first starts to hit you that your loss is real. The pain can be like a wave that you experience mentally, physically and emotionally. As you feel the pain from your loss, you also feel the change in your life from losing your loved one. Reflecting on memories and the special connection you shared while your loved one was alive as well as sadness as you realize that no new memories will be created. You may start to realize that future plans have changed without your loved one.
As we begin to accept the loss of our loved one, we start to move on with our lives. While you may not ever ‘get over’ the loss of your loved one, you start to feel okay about it and you’re able to think about them and even talk about them without feeling the despair or intense pain. You may feel a little sad thinking of them from time to time, but you are able to remember and experience the fond memories and happy feelings. You may even begin to notice signs from your crossed over loved one to let you know they are with you, just in a different way.
The stages of grief are different for everyone. You may only spend a few days in disbelief and your sibling may spend weeks there. You may never go through a bargaining stage while your best friend spends a lot of time with it. You may feel depressed for weeks or even months while your partner moves onto acceptance. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no timetable for an acceptable length of time to grieve. It’s important to honour the process, your process, and recognize if you may need extra support or help with your grief. If you feel like the waves of grief become too much, do reach out and find someone or a group to help you as you heal.
Shauna Chandler is a Spiritual Medium, Teacher and Guide, an avid women’s empowerment advocate, and a loyal coffee and chocolate lover. Her passion is sharing insights and inspiration, assisting clients with clearing anything holding them back, creating room for magical possibilities to take root and grow. Shauna lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada with her husband and daughter.
A client named Rose came to see me in hopes of connecting with her recently deceased grandmother. During her reading, her grandmother brought up a very private moment that no one could possibly know about. About a week before she came to see me, Rose was getting ready for some “sexy time” with her husband when her negligee brushed against a lit candle and caught on fire. She ran into the kitchen to splash water on her nightie and that was where her grandmother saw her.
When I brought this up, Rose screamed, covered her face and started laughing. She then got very serious and asked me, “Did my grandmother watch us shagging?” With a horrified looked on her face, I reassured her that grandma did not. In fact, grandma was adamant that she would not intrude in that way and left immediately.
“Oh, thank God! Can you imagine if they all sat around eating popcorn while we got busy?” said Rose.
We then laughed and laughed some more.
After Rose left, I began to wonder if the deceased do in fact respect our privacy? Are they with us when we shower? Do they watch us getting dressed? Are they hanging 10 at the nudist beaches? What exactly do they see? Are there universal privacy laws in place?
First, let me explain how it works after you leave the physical world. After a period of acclimation, getting used to not having a body, perhaps a reunion with loved ones already in the afterlife or maybe even a life review to see how your soul experienced life on Earth, you’re faced with different possibilities. You can choose to fully complete your last incarnation by reincarnating into a new life and having the slate cleared so to speak, or you can choose to stay in the afterlife, to watch over your loved ones, help guide them or just to watch your grandkids grow up. Think of it as hovering, you can still tune into what’s going on here on Earth, but it’s not your main focus. You can connect with your loved ones, you can mess with the family dog or flicker some lights, while your soul continues to shift and expand in the afterlife. It’s like having a bird’s eye view on your entire family. You can still spend time with them, shower them with love and give them signs that you are near.
In addition to our crossed over loved ones, we also have guides and angels watching over us. We are never really alone. Our guides and angels help us work through emotionally challenging times, guiding and supporting us. And, they haven’t been in a physical body, so sex doesn’t mean anything to them. Our guides and angels do not judge us, they help us navigate our lives, especially during difficult times. When I read for clients who are depressed, or even suicidal, they are surrounded by numerous angels. Angels and guides have no point of view when it comes to what we choose to do during our time here on Earth. They will remind us, or give us a nudge, if we get off track from our dreams and aspirations, so we can live a meaningful and joy filled life.
Now, if the idea of a crossed over loved one watching you in private – scarfing down ice cream when you’re on a diet, using your sleeve to wipe your nose (gross, Shauna!) yelling at the dog, your kids or your spouse, makes you a little uncomfortable, I invite you to look at that. First, your loved ones are not judging you. They remember everything about being in a physical body with good days and not so good days. Second, I invite you to approve of everything you do, how you do it, why you do it, and not worry so much about what other people, or spirits, may think about you or your choices. If you saw 2 elk mating in the wild, would you judge them or would you excuse yourself and go on about your day?
From my experience as a medium, the deceased really don’t care what we do in the privacy of our own home. If you’ll recall, they were human once too, and they know all about sex, with a partner, alone, with several partners and it’s really not a big deal to them. They only want us to live our best life. Now, if you like to vacuum in the nude and grandma wants to pop in to say hello, chances are she may see a little more than she bargained for and will most likely come back another time, most likely. 😉
Shauna Chandler is a Spiritual Medium, Teacher and Guide, a mind-body science enthusiast, an avid women’s empowerment advocate, and a loyal coffee and chocolate lover. Her passion is sharing insights and inspiration, assisting clients with clearing anything holding them back, creating room for magical possibilities to take root and grow. Shauna lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada with her husband and daughter.
Shauna Marie Chandler
Reiki Master/Teacher, Angel Readings, Sacred Geometry
Located in beautiful Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
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