I remember taking my first reiki class and was so excited to share reiki with my husband at the time. As I drove home after the class, I thought of how amazing it was and how amazing he would think it was. The instructor shared how her family just loved reiki, especially her husband, so I was eager to get home and share it with him.
I realized after a few minutes of rambling on excitedly about what reiki could do, that he wasn’t listening to me. In fact, not only was he not interested, he called it “woo-woo” and went to watch TV. I felt like my happy balloon had just been popped. It didn’t make sense to me why the instructor’s husband was so keen and mine wasn’t in the least bit interested.
Fast forward a year and my mediumship was back on full blast. I had just finished a client session that was full of spirit and was zinging from it! I was so excited that my mediumship was back, and that spirit had so many beautiful messages for my client. Again, my husband at the time just looked at me, his eyes glazed over, and he walked out of the room as I was talking.
It wasn’t until I overheard someone ask him what I did for work and his reply was that the “woo-woo” stuff I did was crazy and that I was writing a book instead. My heart sank as I thought he supported my gifts and what I was sharing with the world.
After overhearing that conversation, I didn’t share as openly that I was a medium for fear that people would think I was crazy. I didn’t realize just how much I dimmed my light from that day on. I started to second-guess everything and the joy that I had experienced from sharing my gifts with an open heart was dwindling.
Looking back, I can see all the missed opportunities and how much I shrunk knowing that my spouse didn’t support me and thought I was crazy with my “woo-woo” metaphysical stuff. I let my fear of rejection and judgement start to hold me back. I didn’t write as much, teach as much or reach out as much. I suppose in some way I had always hoped he would be supportive of my dreams and accept that my passion was real.
Here are some takeaways that I’ll share that may help you if you have a spouse or significant person in your life who is not supportive of your gifts…
1. Never dim your light for anyone, period. We all have a calling in our soul that we are put on this earth to share. Once you find yours, you can choose to let the opinions of others dissuade you from your passion or you can hold steady to what is true for you, no matter what. Notice if you are shrinking to make other people not feel bad or uncomfortable.
2. Never assume that everyone is open to what you have to offer. I assumed that my spouse would want what was best for me, that he would want me to be happy and would want to share in that happiness. I let his disbelief slow me down and pull me away from the joy I find and know from mediumship. This is not to say that you can’t be with someone who isn’t open to your gifts, but rather, an open-minded partner may not get exactly what it is that you do but would be respectful of what lights you up. I’ve met several people who didn’t understand their partner’s spiritual side or gifts in the beginning but became raving fans as time went on and they learned more about what their partner was passionate about. Sometimes they may want to understand, but don’t know how and need space to process information. The best example I heard was imagine you are offering cookie samples to people and let them decide what works for them or not and never take offense if they don’t accept what you have to offer.
3. Don’t make it your mission to convince your spouse or partner that your gifts are real. I’ve seen countless clients and students do this with the hope that their partner would see things they way they did and would be more accepting of their spiritual side. In almost every scenario, the partner felt manipulated, uncomfortable or disrespected. What I’ve noticed is that the more you try and convince someone, the more elusive they become. A good rule of thumb is that unless they are asking, and are genuinely interested, leave well enough alone. Give them space to become interested or curious in their own time. I tried everything to convince my spouse of the validity of my mediumship from sharing my psychic “hits”, to reading books, offering to do a reading for him to watching TV shows about mediumship. I tried to bring him around to my side only to have him even less interested than before.
4. Look at your points of view or beliefs you have that may be impacting what you can receive from your spouse. I know many couples who have completely different interests apart from each other and their relationship continues to flourish. Do you believe you must share everything with your spouse or partner? Are you looking for your spouse to validate you or your gifts? Are you waiting for their approval before you follow your heart and calling to share your gifts? Do you secretly hate football but try to be supportive hoping your partner will do the same for your spiritual side? Or, do you think your partner doesn’t love you as much because they aren’t as supportive as you’d like them to be? Be willing to see any ideas or thoughts you may have that could be contributing to miscommunication with your spouse or partner.
5. It’s one thing to have a supportive partner who lets you do your thing and something totally different if your partner is not respectful of your gifts or how you share them with the world. If your spouse is being disrespectful, you can let them know when they’re being disrespectful and usually that is enough for the other person to know that they are being hurtful and will change their behaviour accordingly. If the hurtful, discounting doesn’t stop, or at least change, then it may be time to consider either counselling or alternative partnership opportunities. You will have to decide what works best for you in order to shine as bright as you possibly can with or without your partner’s support.
In the end, your partner may just become your biggest ally. They may develop their own intuition, evolve into new practices, or even meet new people, all because of you, your gifts and positive influences on their life. The most important thing to remember, is that you are a gift to this world and the world needs you to shine bright.
Shauna Domalain is a Transformational Medium, Intuitive Life Strategist and Guide. She lives in Calgary, Canada with her family and fur baby Midnight. Visit her website for more information: www.livealifeyoulove.org
Shauna Marie Chandler
Reiki Master/Teacher, Angel Readings, Sacred Geometry